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Saturday, January 17, 2004

 

The Latest White House Script... http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2004/01/17/bush_satire/

posted by Christopher at Saturday, January 17, 2004 permalink View blog reactions
Check out this hilarious take on the White House meme's for the upcoming election (from Rich Proctor at Salon.com - subscription, or day-pass required). Some excerpts:

[to the press corps, from the White House]

Hi! Wow, you guys and gals did such a Double-Plus-Good job during the '00 campaign (Al Gore -- earth tones, phony, invented the Internet, etc., etc.) that we're actually going to gift you with our Red State-Wal-Mart-focus-group-tested media memes early! As before, we're looking for 110 % COMPLIANCE, or else we'll see to it you lose that White House Press Credential, and you'll be back covering the Police Blotter for the local "Recycler."

HERE ARE YOUR NEW CAMPAIGN SCRIPT TEMPLATES. Plug in daily news events as needed:

1) DEAN IS AN ANGRY, NEGATIVE GUY (therefore NOTHING HE SAYS MATTERS, BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT HIS ANGER AND NEGATIVITY, NOT WHAT HE SAYS.)

How This Works:

DEAN PRESS CONFERENCE BITE: "I'm angry that 44 million Americans can't afford health insurance. We need single payer health insurance for all Americans."

YOUR SPIN: Why is he so darn negative? That's GUARANTEED to alienate swing voting Soccer Moms! Notice how his face turns all red and splotchy? If he stays this negative, the upbeat, positive vision of our beloved President Bush is sure to prevail ..."

2) DEAN IS UNELECTABLE. Never take anything he says seriously, because he can't be elected anyway.

How This Works:

NEWS ITEM: "New Time Magazine Poll -- Dean Trails Bush by Just Six Points In Head To Head Match Up"

YOUR SPIN: "Sources deep inside the White House today cast doubt on the seriously skewed results of a recent Time Magazine poll, which somehow mistakenly showed that, even at this early date, almost as many Americans favored the angry, negative, insurgent, marginal non-Southerner Howard Dean as favored our beloved, incredibly popular Texan man-of-the-people President George W. Bush. Attorney General John Ashcroft has announced an immediate investigation. Arrests seem certain. Mainstream political observer Ann Coulter had this comment ..."

3) DEAN SUPPORTERS ARE BUSH-HATING, SUSHI-EATING LATTE-SIPPERS, NOT REAL AMERICANS FROM THE HEARTLAND. Therefore nothing they say matters.

How This Works:

INTERVIEW BITE WITH DEAN SUPPORTER: "My son died in Iraq. He went there because President Bush said that Saddam was threatening us with nuclear weapons. He lied. There were no weapons, and no threat. That makes me sad, sick and furious."

YOUR SPIN: See that Lexus in the background? Bet that's hers, and there's a Starbucks cup in the cup holder. Most Americans drive Fords and Chevys. I wonder why she's so angry and negative? Her son couldn't have died. Do you see any bodies coming back on television? Any funerals? NO! Besides, the Dow is above 10,000, and we only lost 223,000 jobs last year! Bush is invincible

ACCEPTABLE QUESTIONS TO ASK DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE:


Why are you so angry and negative?
President Bush is incredibly popular, and beloved by common people like himself.

Why do you hate him, knowing this makes decent, God-fearing, Christian Americans hate you?

Bush is fighting terrorists, or will be, when we actually invade a country that has some. Why are you against that?
We (Republicans, Good Americans) support our troops. Why do you want to undermine them, and therefore kill them?
President Bush fought to provide Americans with a Medicare prescription drug benefit. Don't you realize that by hating him, you're putting yourself outside the mainstream of America?

UNACCEPTABLE QUESTIONS:


Anything about single-payer healthcare, rampant war profiteering by Bush corporate cronies in Iraq, Enron, WMD in Iraq, dead soldiers in Iraq, nonexistent nuclear program in Iraq, corporate malfeasance, funding for "No Child Left Behind," Afghanistan, quid pro quo anti-environmental legislation for "Pioneer Level" Corporate Donors, and the Bush ban on the government from making best deal with pharmaceutical companies for prescription drugs.

Clear? If you have any questions, just go to the Campaign Default Position -- Dean ANGRY FANATIC, Bush BELOVED LEADER. Thanks!


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Nation-Building was founded by Aziz Poonawalla in August 2002 under the name Dean Nation. Dean Nation was the very first weblog devoted to a presidential candidate, Howard Dean, and became the vanguard of the Dean netroot phenomenon, raising over $40,000 for the Dean campaign, pioneering the use of Meetup, and enjoying the attention of the campaign itself, with Joe Trippi a regular reader (and sometime commentor). Howard Dean himself even left a comment once. Dean Nation was a group weblog effort and counts among its alumni many of the progressive blogsphere's leading talent including Jerome Armstrong, Matthew Yglesias, and Ezra Klein. After the election in 2004, the blog refocused onto the theme of "purple politics", formally changing its name to Nation-Building in June 2006. The primary focus of the blog is on articulating purple-state policy at home and pragmatic liberal interventionism abroad.